So often we find ourselves in situations where we seek happiness from outside factors: relationships, objects, and circumstances; if any of those categories are dipping in satisfaction, we tend to blame our well-being on such. However, outside factors are rarely in our control, so why do we tend to let our happiness grow in unreliable soil? Where do you draw the line before you realize that the best version of yourself is when joy exudes from within?
Sometimes it takes a significant life change, like a move, graduation, new job, lost relationship, etc…that shatter the rose-colored glasses onto the concrete sidewalk. To quote Macklemore and Ke$ha in the song “Good Old Days,” “You’ll miss the magic of the good old days.” I will say, happiness comes in multiple forms, which is what makes some of our fondest memories so magical, but when you sit and wonder what would have happened if you stripped away all the outside factors in each of those moments, would you have considered yourself happy? One of the times I consider the happiest I have ever been is the day before I moved from Nashville, TN. My college town; which, how cool is it that get to call Music City my college town? I had almost all the people that I loved and cared for in one room, for one final night. I looked around at these friends of mine with so much admiration and love, how did I get this lucky?
Which, I still ask myself this question every day. I am surrounded by some of the most talented, compassionate, and extraordinary people on the planet; I continually admire their drive and the way they love others every day. How lucky I am to be one of those people.
I remember tearing up and saying under my breath, “I’m just so happy.” Now, if I were to take away all my friends from that memory, I don’t know if the same joy would’ve been present. Little did my people know, they were carrying my happiness on their shoulders. A phase of my life was ending, I was petrified at the idea of the unknown, and I was about to venture into the part of my life where I would work my ass off without any idea of the reward. All of those factors equal stress, anxiety, and fear. I wasn’t happy. I was happy with my environment and my relationships, but I wasn’t happy. I think that’s why I desperately wanted everyone I love to believe I had a plan for my life post-grad. However, in reality, I had just as much of a plan as a snowman on a Floridian vacation. I wanted to assure them I would be okay; after all, if I could make the people in my life proud of me, I’d be happy, right?
It took being back in my hometown, a place where I feel the love of my family and the isolation of the 17-year-old girl who was longing to leave, to reach my lowest point. My people were states away, so it took me being isolated in my teal bedroom to realize I couldn't lean on them or my family (who have wiped many tears and let me lean on them just like high school all over again, and I could not be more blessed. Thank you for everything.) anymore. As soon as I started to put the work in, separate this phase of life from the past ones, and find artistic and work environments to keep my skills sharp, I was finally happy all on my own. No more dependency on the people I love. Which, I wonder, did they feel an unknown weight come off their shoulders?
This joy that we hear about in the movies is right inside you, you have to allow yourself to discover it. Those relationships that bring you joy will be richer and the places you visit will be brighter! Your people are happier knowing that you're happy, so if you want to make them proud, weather the storm. The happiness within ourselves is swelling from subsiding, let it burst, or you might just miss the magic that Macklemore has been telling us about.
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